The Greeks in past time were not so bright. For instance, Icarus and Daedalus, what were they thinking? Making wings is artistic but attaching them to yourself with wax (something that is heavy) and trying to fly, thats stupid! Now if they used Leather rope that might have been a different story. Wait a minute… Trying to fly with fake wings is retarded anyways! So much for the wise Greeks.
Another mindless myth is the tale of Theseus, he was a good guy, he defeated the monster of evil King Minos and came out of the beasts maze alive. After this amazing feat a wise man told him to change his ships' sails from black to white, for black was a sign of death. In his excitement of defeating the beast he completely forgot about the sails, that's when things got screwy. Theseus, although a beast slaying good guy, failed to use his listening skills which brought his demise. Theseus' dad was waiting on a high rock for his son's return but when he saw the black sails he thought Theseus was dead, so overwhelmed with grief Theseus' dad fell from the rock. Sad story, we know. Dumb Theseus! Of course when Theseus found out his father was dead he became an old crotchety man himself. After a while the people of Athens got sick of all the crap he was throwing at them and had a private meeting with the king to be "Theseus's escort" and when he got the best chance to kill ol' Theseus…do it! One day when they were walking on a large cliff the king took advantage of the height and pushed Theseus over the cliff. You would think that the people of Athens would be happy about this, right? Well as soon as they heard this news they regretted killing Theseus because he did such good in his young days. Stupid, right? You know what they did next? They buried him and called him a god. What are their thoughts, these Athenians?
"Another one died."
"One more God? We already have fifty."
Gee all this unnecessary tragedy due to bad communication skills... or this tale was told by a drunk story teller!
Here's another crazy story for you, the story of Oedipus. An oracle came and told the King that his wife would have a son that would kill his father and marry his mother, Stupid right? Well the queen had a baby boy, and they decided it would be a wonderful idea to kill him so this prophecy will not be fulfilled. Of course these people still had a heart (kind of) so… They let a servant kill the baby! Jerks… apparently the servant had half a heart too and tied the baby to a tree by it's ankles! The cries of the baby caught attention to a passing shepherd and when they came to find the child the shepherd took the baby to the King of Corinth. The King did not have any children so he gladly adopted the boy and named him Oedipus which means "swollen footed" due to the rope which was used to tie him to the tree. One day Oedipus went to a festival and an oracle told him "Oedipus beware! You are doomed to kill your father, marry your mother and bring destruction upon your native city!" Sure that the King of Corinth was his father he left. He came across a path and on it he found an old man in a chariot when this old man said "step aside chump, I the great and powerful master of Thebes is making way to my throne." Not used to being treated like a peasant for he was raised as a prince, Oedipus did not budge. At this act of stubbornness the old kook raised his staff for a royal blow and that is when Oedipus made the decision to raise his sword and kill the old man along with his servants that attacked as well. Oedipus not knowing this old man in the chariot was his real dad, Laius King of Thebes, had fulfilled the first part of the prophecy. Somehow Oedipus knew there was a city near by, so he headed down a path and finally arrived. When he arrived at the city there was a frightened crowd of people talking of a Sphinx, a lion with a women's head and it ate every person that failed to answer her riddle. Oedipus strong and brave went to this sphinx and listened to her riddle, he guessed the right answer after some deep thought, The sphinx whom had now lost her powers tried to run away but Oedipus backed her onto a cliff and she fell onto a spiked rock. In return the people of Thebes gave him the the throne which meant he married his mother AKA the Queen of Thebes. Prophecy fulfilled.
A story similar to this, though it does not take place in Greece, is still a greek myth. It is the story of Paris. Paris' mom had a dream that a brand lay in the cradle where the baby was, it set the cradle on fire and then the whole palace was on fire. Finally, an oracle told his mom that Paris would bring misfortune to his hometown, so she took her baby into the woods to die. These Idiot Greeks, they did this before and look how it turned out, lots of people died! What do you know, they didn't' learn their lesson. After Queen Idiotus left her child to die the poor baby cried so much a near-by hunter heard him. The hunters thought, "Darn them Greks. Keep on dumping them babies out n, these woods, screwin up my hunt." The hunter took in the baby and raised him as his own. Thats something different! The hunter gets the baby this time. Anyway, when Paris was older he was very talented so he went to Troy, his hometown, to join the athletic games (the Olympics in other words) he easily won all the prizes and received the crown of wild olive leaves. When he went up to claim this crown everybody thought he looked like he could be from the royal family. Paris' sister Cassandra told the future, she said that Paris was the son of the king and queen and he was going to destroy Troy blah, blah, blah… The King and Queen didn't give a crap, they get rid of their kid in fear and now they aren't even afraid of the matter?!?
These Idiot Greeks. Did they ever think about how dumb they made themselves look by writing down these 'myths' as moral learning tales, the moral I realized from these stories was be glad you are not from a Greek family. Oh the disfunction! It's almost as if these Greeks have a billion year old case of writers block. The writers conversation at the time was similar to this, "Billy, I'm outta myths!" "Umm, uh, just take some old myth we wrote n' tweak it a lil' bit, no one will suspect, right?"
At the very least these mindless myths were entertaining but in my opinion a total waste of time. If you choose to read these tales, be warned of the idiosyncrasies found in Greek mythology. I will give them credit, I laughed a lot.
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| Icarus and Daedalus |
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