Don’t think about it too much, in fact, don’t think about it all. Put in as little effort you humanly can. The less you care the better; Structure, grammar, dignity, all not worth your time. Starting off with a strong intro doesn’t matter. Unless your reader has a brain the size of a pea, they should be able to understand what you’re getting at. Don’t even bother to write a conclusion, it’s pointless to restate what you’ve already said. Teachers will appreciate that they won’t have to skim over another repetitive paper. If you aren’t keen on punctuation, fear not! Acceptable papers do not require proper grammar if you get the point across clearly. Don’t worry about proper format, indentation of paragraphs, staying inside margins, and even spacing should all be disregarded. If you’re struggling to keep up with the word count throw in a few unnecessary words to do the job, and misspelled ones too. Never proof text with a friend, you don’t need their ideas infiltrating your thought process, and never edit.
Original content is not necessary, if someone on the internet said it better feel free to use their wording. Doing so will make you a much faster writer and you’ll have more time to waste at the end of the day. Throw all research out the window, don’t even think about entering a library. Always try to fit in some of your own biases and opinions and don’t bother with facts. Try to be vague to keep your reader guessing and give inconclusive explanations. Still can’t come up with content? Start a long tangent about something else. Who’s going to read your paper anyways? You’re not an aspiring author, you’re just a student who’s trying to blow through school so you can do whatever you want. You know that in the grand scheme of life being able to write an English paper won’t pay your bills so why spend time on it?
Composition for English: January, 2019
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